She had always been the good girl. Watching her siblings skip school, sneak off to drinking and drug parties, lie and sneak. Her mother worked hard and so did her father. They were good people...God fearing...that sacrificed for their children. She knew the heart ache her mother went through. She just did as she knew she should. She helped where she could. She didn't swear, she didn't drink, she didn't party. She got good grades. She made sure she was up and ready and off to school each day without anyone having to check.
Even at school she didn't ask questions...she stayed quiet and figured it out herself. No one noticed her. She got used to it.
She had friends only becuz when her silly side was 'showing', she could make them laugh. She had lots of dates when she was older mainly becuz she was entertaining...or that was how she saw it. They told her how pretty she was but she got their attention with her laughter and making them feel at ease.
Then one day, she looked around and realized that she was pretty much invisible. She had tried so hard not to do anything wrong or to not cause any trouble for anyone, that she had slid through and under all the roadblocks and chaos...without anyone noticing.
Her mother would laugh that she had to check and see if she was real becuz she had gone through school and college without anyone having to help her in anyway. Her mother said the only way she knew that her little girl had gone to college was that she attended the graduation ceremony.
No one knew how this made her heart feel. How unhappy it made her. Yet, it was how she had always been...sacrificing what she might have wanted or wanted to do, just to make sure that life was smooth for everyone around her. She still did it.
And when she was faced with the idea that she could make choices...that she could possibly do what SHE wanted...things that would make HER happy...she didn't know how. It made her feel guilty...like she was betraying someone...something.
