She perplexed herself. She had OFTEN heard others tell her that they were confused by her. They never really knew what to expect. She was an ice cream soup of neopolitan. Just when they thought they had her figured out, she did/said something that just sucker punched them.

It wasn't until taking one of those 'tests', an interest inventory...that little bit of genius material shoved under ppl's noses at different intervals in their lives that was supposed to help them understand what goals they should set for themselves, what path they should follow, what 'career' they are best suited for...that she realized just how bad it was. Even this test couldn't pin her down. She had a mind for the logical...a great aptitude for numbers and all that numbers could do. She also had a keen sensitivity and understanding for others...compassion/patience/a general ability to 'read' who they were and what they needed. She was at two extreme ends of the scale. She didn't 'fit'.

That was her whole life. She didn't fit. Everytime she tried to conform to one end of her 'scale' or the other, it would only last for so long. She never seemed to be able to deny her other 'half'. It would fight to the surface and then she would find herself on the outside looking in again. Never totally accepted. Everyone circling around her, with polite smiles, yet, looking perplexed. Eventually, they wouldn't even notice.

Every once in a while, just to be sure she WAS still living and hadn't disappeared altogether, she would do something wild, unacceptable...like a child laying down in the middle of the floor, in the middle of a party or store, and screaming at the top of her lungs and kicking her feet and pounding her fists. She always felt extremely embarrassed afterwards, and it didn't really endear her to anyone, but at least she knew that she WAS still visible...still alive...not a ghost or a figment of someone's imagination.

She had walls...she lived in a bubble...but she really waited...waited for the ONE person that would look at her without looking through her...the ONE person that would embrace her and hold her close...the ONE person that would NOT try to figure her out or expect her to fit in...the ONE person that just loved her complexity, didn't mind the changes, didn't expect her to do something for them...the ONE person that ALWAYS saw her/heard her...the ONE person to whom she mattered...the ONE person that would notice if she wasn't there or sitting in a corner by herself and come looking for her.